I guess you could say my goal in life is to be described as one of the spunky ones

You know the one. It's the one that sparkles when she walks in the door, the one that magnetizes everything, the one that brushes her hair five times quick before stepping out of the car. It's the one that starts her day off with a Slimfast bar, the one who tans unconsciously, the one who should add another sheet to her senior yearbook to fit all the inside jokes, but never does, because someone else thinks of it and does it for her. Her yearbook adjectives stretch far, but words like boundless, creative, outrageous, spectacular, "best friend EVER" and "I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!" are repeated the most. In one word, loved. She is the spunky one.

I can't even go as far as to say I was the angsty one, the angry rebel lurking in the midst of pre-burn-out glories, the hidden Guineverian Einstein. You know me. I'm the one that walked in the door three steps before the true diamond, the one that gets attracted to but does not necessarily attract, the one that rolls down the window to blow dry her hair. I'm the one that starts her day off with cheerios and skim milk, the one who freckles oddly, or pinks and reds THEN browns. The one who thinks to add another page to her yearbook and sticks it in, greedily, then after doing another round of the room, realizes there is no one else left worth having sign. Alright even this is making me sound less confident then I actually am. Yearbook adjectives were still pretty loving, I still got the creative, outrageous, spectacular, "best friend EVER" and "I LOVE YOU FOREVER", but even these same words still left one empty feeling, a void that should have been filled by spunky, but it wasn't.

It's like being prepared for every photograph taken of you three seconds before the picture is taken, and the agility and life of your face is just beginning to freeze as the flash captures the moment. The picture shows you were, at one point, life-full (that is a plus) but it also shows you were conscious of being life-full and you were trying to present it. By preparing to look artful you have just killed any chance of being artful. By preparing to look life-full you have just killed any chance of being life-full. By preparing to look spontaneous you have just killed any chance of being spontaneous. Three seconds ago it was real. Three seconds later it was documented.

That made so much more sense in my mind before I wrote it down.